I knew I had to get across to you somehow when you wouldn’t answer phone calls or emails and text messages.
When you wouldn’t come over for lunch or dinner or even a cup of tea when invited, much less drop in uninvited like you used to.
I just want to tell you: I know the feeling.
I know what it’s like to want to drop out of life. To slowly fade into the background, so that your friends and family don’t notice until you’re gone.
I know what it’s like when you can’t be bothered to do anything, when everything seems a bother.
I know what it’s like when you’re sick of platitudes thrown at you: ‘it’s going to be alright’, ‘tomorrow is another day’, ‘chin up’ ‘pull up your socks’.
I know what it’s like to feel like you’re slowly losing your faith, when your heart is numb and won’t come back to life.
I know these feelings are hard to make sense of, more so to experience.
I know how you wake up some days feeling worthless, hopeless, empty. Days when you wake up to the drumbeat of your heart and sweaty palms without knowing what exactly you’re worrying about, when little niggling aches and pains, headaches and cramps, constantly remind you that something’s wrong — you just don’t know what or why.
There’s a name for the way you feel. And no, it isn’t terminal.
You’re not feeling this way because you lack faith or strength or resilience. It’s just one of those things that creep up on you when you’re looking elsewhere, when life pulls you in too many directions simultaneously, when you lose focus of the most important things.
I promise you: it helps to talk to someone.
Do it now, please.
Tell someone what’s going on. Open up so you can heal and feel yourself again.
Do you think seeking help for simply being “a little down” is being a drama queen? It’s not!
You’ll feel better when you realise and admit something isn’t quite the way it should be in your life. And then seek ways to set things right or let others help you on your way.
If you feel life is suffocating you, stop ignoring that feeling.
Don’t be scared or ashamed to seek help, don’t put things off and make excuses.
Just accept that you’re struggling at this moment. Trust that Allah won’t burden you with what you can’t bear. If life seems unbearable, it’s not meant to be.
Think: if you were getting sucked underwater by a forceful current, you wouldn’t rationalise: “Wait, I can handle this. Maybe I can take swimming lessons with a pro or invest in some quality lifejackets…” No…your survival instincts would kick in and you’d scream for help, all the plans and resolutions and precautions would come later.
You won’t stop struggling automatically.
You need someone to tow you to security and safety first, staying safe on your own will come later, in shaa’ Allaah.
Understand what’s going on in your mind and body, then you’ll be able to do something about it.
PS: Don’t think for a minute that I’m going to sermonize and tell you how you should feel. I’m not here to dispense tough love either. I just want you back.
Dr. Bilal Philips