Why She is Not Good Enough

"muslim-spinsterhood”

SHE made her way around the party, making the necessary greetings, smiling and waving at her classmates, directing a more formal approach at their mothers. She was the face of calm and collected. She’d decided to go all out for this event, and wore her best dress. She’d styled her hair, and had even applied the touch of make-up that accentuated her eyes perfectly.

She was beautiful. And most people made sure to mention it to her. 

But all she heard was the pity in their voices.

The only thing she could see was how her mother sat sadly amongst other mothers as yet another of her classmate celebrated their wedding. This was it. She was officially the last remaining girl from her batch of classmates who was yet to be married.

Her heart pounded as she greeted the one with the two year old daughter, wondering if she would ever be able to hold a squirming, screaming toddler of her own one day. She felt the pain engulf her as she noticed out of the corner of her eye, another newlywed friend who was on the phone with her new husband.

Excusing herself, she stumbled to the bathroom, locking it behind her, as she took a deep breath, and let one…two tears slide down her cheeks. Brusquely brushing them away, she leaned on the bathroom sink, and looked at her reflection.

What’s wrong with me?!

She refused to let any more tears slip past, and furiously dabbed at her eyes with a napkin.

She knew this would be painful. For both herself and her mother. They had been looking for a suitor for her for the past three years, this last year being an intense quest for The One.

She just didn’t understand why she couldn’t be married like a normal person, like the rest of her classmates. Heck, some of them hadn’t even been on the lookout for a man, and they’d landed themselves in a happy marriage! Why when everyone in her family was desperate to find a guy, she just…couldn’t…

She heard the aunties talking. She knew what strife they gave her mother, pestering her with questions, wanting to know why yet another marriage proposal hadn’t worked out. She knew how everyone looked at her as though she was an unnecessary growth on a beautiful plant that needed to be removed as soon as possible. She knew that culturally, she should be married with at least one child of her own by now. She heard the gossips, the insulation that something was wrong with her, that simply must be the reason why no boy has accepted her yet.

She was tired. Tired of this hunt. She’d assumed marriage to be a beautiful process, not one where everyone tried to get rid of her before she’d reach the oldest she can be and still be single, her expiration date.

The thought ran a shudder down her spine. Her expiration date. Set by culture, bound by community. She dreaded the thought of reaching that day where society will look at her as a spinster, a burden on her parents shoulders, the girl who wouldn’t get her own life, but instead leeches off her aging parents, unwilling to unburden them.

Taking a deep breath, she double- checked her makeup, forced a smile, unlocked the door and stepped out, her dimples lighting up her face, making her look both, a sophisticated adult in her floor-length blue dress, as well as an innocent child in the way her hair framed her doe-brown eyes, her insides churning in self-loathing, her mind making a list of reasons why she is never good enough. 


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Comments  

0
# Average female 2017-04-29 02:42
This story is awful. Women can be complete human beings whilst unmarried. A husband and a marriage will not necessarily fix all your problems. There is nothing wrong with not being married and not every woman wants a child! To say so is an absolute insult to women. You don't need a man to be happy and just because you're unmarried doesn't make you a burden to your parents! You can establish a career and support yourself. This author needs to seriously reevaluate their ideas about women.
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0
# .Huda Thahir. 2017-04-30 13:28
hello :)
i am the authour of this article, and the article reflects the way society (especially south asian, where i am from) behaves with unmarried girls. It is based on what i see so many unmarried girls go through who are "late" to get married. my community sees this as "something must be wrong with her", and that she is "expired" and has "lost her youth", and "no one good will marry her". this article was written to bring awareness on this fitna, and not,as i gatheryou to have understood, the opposite. this mentality and stigma is wrong, and i fight against cultura and traditinal "rules" that make the lives of women difficult and unbearable that leads them to self doubt and depression. this was writted with one specific incident in mind that i witnessed that broke my heart.
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# Hala 2014-12-02 08:56
Unfortunately women are women's worst enemies, they make one another feel lesser if they see something missing in the other's life like a husband, a child & even a second child, they bombard you with insensitive questions & make sure you feel miserable about yourself.
Well a message to all those who have yet to find a partner or become a mother or a mother the second time......don't let such people suck out the life from you. Allah(swt) is the best of planners & if He has'nt given you something yet He surely has better plans for you. Be happy & strong, have faith in the All Mighty & ignore foolish insensitive people who have nothing better to do than think about what others have & don't have in their lives.
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# J. 2014-12-02 07:46
The society that makes us feel like we're a burden to our parents simply because we're unmarried is flawed. Cause it's not sucky enough to be completely, utterly alone, but you have to also feel like a burden. Jeez. Whatever. This is why women gets jobs and make their careers super important to them.
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