'Don't Worry, I’ll Change Her'
YOU must have heard this statement many a time from today’s youth. This has become such a common and convincing cliche that it makes you ask: “Does this excuse validate marrying someone who doesn’t have the same priorities and goals as you, neither in the Dunya nor Aakhirah?”
Why do people depend on this thin ray of hope, though their intellect is well aware of the opposite reality? Allah explains this phenomenon saying:
أَفَمَن كَانَ عَلَىٰ بَيِّنَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّهِ كَمَن زُيِّنَ لَهُ سُوءُ عَمَلِهِ وَاتَّبَعُوا أَهْوَاءَهُم
"Is he who is on a clear proof from his Lord, like those for whom their evil deeds that they do are beautified for them while they follow their own lusts?" [Quran, Surah Muhammed 47:14]
Allah has given the parable of two people. One is on the Bayyinah (clear evidence) and the other is the one who follows his desires and his evil actions are beautified for him. We should understand that when a person is not on a clear evidence and his actions are beautified for him, then it is no wonder that he will put both worlds at stake for the most impractical hopes.
In fact, history has proven this many times, especially in the matter of choosing a life companion because they are the ones, whose companionship will affect us the most and change our perceptions. The decision to marry an irreligious person has been repeated many a times in history and one of the best examples is the story of Imran ibn Hattan.
Imran ibn Hattan used to be a follower of Ahlus Sunnah. Then one day, to the astonishment of the people, he decided to marry a woman who was very beautiful and a Kharijite (a deviant sect). The people were utterly surprised. They warned him not to marry the woman because of her misguidance. But the answer he gave was: “I’ll change her”. He tried his best to bring her towards the Sunnah but she stood firm. Rather, she slowly started changing him until the point came when he was a Kharijite himself!.1
Just imagine the scenario. If your spouse is adamant and you don’t see them changing in the near future, what choice do you have? You have to stay with them for the rest of your life, even if reluctantly. And won’t their ideology and lifestyle affect you and your children in that period of time?
I don’t declare that anybody and everybody who decides to take this path will be doomed, but you cannot guarantee that all will be fine either. You cannot be assured that your children will be absolutely alright when one of the parents is on the wrong track. Don’t assume that you can escape unharmed, pure and safe when Allah Himself says:
فَلَا تُزَكُّوا أَنفُسَكُمْ ۖ هُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَنِ اتَّقَىٰ
…Therefore, ascribe not purity to yourselves. He knows best him who fears Allah. [Quran, Surah Najm 53:32]
I ask Allah to protect us from the deceiving and beautified traps of Shaytaan, who is an expert in giving us false promises and hopes.
1. Ibn Katheer, Al Bidaayah wan Nihaayah [9/64]